Leadership

Persevere or Let Go?

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As a business leader, entrepreneur, and human being I’ve had my share of failures.

When I think back on the massive pile of ideas that I’ve tried to turn into businesses over the years, I’m surprised I’ve only failed a few times instead of hundreds. 

The lessons I learned by failing, even though it may have stung pretty badly each time, are lessons I never would have learned if I had never tried. But the biggest lesson has been learning to understand when it’s time to pivot, or even let go.

Failure is part of the road to success: for you, for your team, and for your family. Be flexible when you need to find another path. Be open to a new perspective. And most importantly, be honest with yourself when something is simply not working.

Think about this when you lead or manage your team. How can you make a change that will increase the likelihood of success? What can you let go of that’s holding you back? What can you do to help yourself, and others, get off the path to a truly epic fail?

And remember — when failure happens, how you coach your team through the aftermath can make all the difference.

Henry Ford once said, “The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.” When you can, help your people learn from their failures. And when there is no silver lining or learning, help them put it all behind them and move on.

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The Value of Attention

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In today’s fast-paced world, it can be difficult to give our full attention to anything. We are constantly bombarded with stimuli, from our phones to our email to our social media feeds. It’s often challenging to focus on the task at hand, let alone on the people around us.

However, as leaders, it is essential that we are intentional about paying attention. When we give our full attention to others, we show them that we value them and their contributions. We also create a space where they feel safe to share their ideas and concerns.

A few more benefits of giving others our full attention…

  • Builds trust and rapport. When people feel like they are being heard and understood, they are more likely to trust and respect us.
  • Boosts morale. When people feel like their work is important and that they are making a difference, they are more likely to be motivated and engaged. 
  • Improves our own decision-making. When we take the time to listen to others’ perspectives, we are more likely to make decisions that are in the best interests of the entire team and organization.

Here are a few tips for paying better attention:

  1. Be present. When you are interacting with someone, give them your full attention. Put away your phone, turn off your computer, and make eye contact.
  2. Listen actively. Really listen to what the other person is saying, and ask clarifying questions.
  3. Show empathy. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Understand their perspective and why they might be feeling the way they are.

Paying attention is a skill that takes time and practice. The benefits are well worth the effort. 

Try to pay more attention to how well you pay attention today. If you’re finding that you’re distracted instead of fully committed to a conversation, identify one thing you can do to avoid that in the future.

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The Pursuit of Perfection Causes All Sorts of Problems

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With all the interactions we have with one another each day, it’s not realistic to think that every one of them can be perfect.

You’re not perfect, your team isn’t perfect, and you know what? That’s okay. When we put on the pressure for things to be just right or for everything to work out the way we wish it always would, we set ourselves and our people up for disappointment.

The same goes for when you are preparing for a presentation or speech. Look, most people (if not all) feel some level of nervousness when they speak in public. When I coach presenters and work to help them get to the root of their anxiousness, we often uncover that the fear of being imperfect is the main culprit. It…

  • stops them from being themselves.
  • makes them look and sound nervous.
  • puts up a wall between them and the audience.
  • adds unnecessary pressure.

I get it. Nobody likes to look silly in front of others (well, I don’t mind but that’s a story for another day). And you do need to prepare well in order to present well.

But when we let the pursuit of perfection paralyze us, nobody wins. 

Imagine if everyone — every creative person, every parent, every leader — could offer the gifts they have to share with the world without fearing they’re not good enough, smart enough, or whatever enough. 

Wow, I like that image.

I believe that good communication and leadership require intention, thought, practice, and care. Does that mean all communications must be perfect?

No.

Don’t go for perfect. Aim to make your communication matter to someone.

Then you both win.

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Compassion Is Key

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There are many skills and traits that make a good leader, and I believe that compassion is one that many leaders don’t talk about or leverage enough. 

The ability and willingness to work to understand and empathize with the struggles of others, and to respond with kindness and support, is what we’re talking about here. And research has shown that compassionate leadership can have a range of benefits for teams and organizations. For example, when leaders show compassion towards their team members, they’re more likely to feel valued and supported — feelings that almost surely will increase productivity and engagement (and lower turnover rates).

Compassionate leaders are also willing to be vulnerable with their team members. This means sharing their own struggles and weaknesses, and being open about their own challenges. By doing so, leaders build stronger relationships with their team members, and create a culture of trust and understanding.

If you’re looking to develop a more compassionate approach to leadership, here are some tips:

  • Listen (actively): Take the time to really listen to your team members, and show that you understand their concerns and challenges.
  • Empathize: Try to put yourself in your team members’ shoes, and imagine what it’s like to be in their position.
  • Appreciate: Take the time to recognize and appreciate your team members’ hard work and contributions.
  • Support: When team members are struggling, offer support and guidance to help them overcome their challenges.
  • Be kind to yourself: Remember to practice self-compassion as well, and be kind to yourself as you navigate the challenges of leadership.

Compassion can help build stronger relationships, increase engagement and productivity, and create a more positive workplace culture. 

That’s a win-win for everyone. 

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We Don’t Always Learn From Failure

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There’s a lot of free advice out there these days. From inspirational and “lessons learned” posts on LinkedIn, Twitter, and Instagram, to tips and tricks for living and working better and smarter that land in your email inbox.

Sometimes these messages can make it seem like most people’s lives are perfect.

We know that’s not the case. Yet, as we scroll we can easily start to feel like we don’t measure up. Or that we need to always be positive even when things are not going well.

Mea cupla.

I talk a lot about how I value my failures and am thankful for them. I honestly try my best to see them as opportunities for learning and growth.

Well, guess what? 

Some failures don’t have a silver lining. 

Sometimes they do not give me growth. Sometimes they do not help me move ahead. And when that happens, it really stings.

Because the truth is that failure can result in negative emotions and a lack of motivation that hinder growth and learning.

So, when you or your team fail, don’t sugar-coat it.

If there are lessons to be learned, embrace them. If there are not, call it what it is and do the work to move past it.

Sometimes that work is hard. Don’t be afraid to lean on those you trust for help, and encourage your people to do the same.

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kindness is a superpower written on brick wall

Don’t Confuse My Kindness with Weakness

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We all have extreme power in our ability to choose how we listen, how we react, and how we treat others. Kindness, I believe, is one of our most powerful tools. It is free, and is an incredible investment in ourselves and in others.

A business associate of mine recently called me a “softie” when he perceived my approach to a challenge in a way that did not resonate with him. I corrected him. “No, I’m not a softie. I’m a kind person, and there is a big difference. Please don’t confuse my kindness with weakness.” 

Being kind does not mean you’re afraid to make hard choices or that you must avoid opposition or conflict. Rooting yourself in kindness simply means that you treat people with the respect that they deserve, and that helps ensure the outcome of even the most difficult situation is as good as it can be. 

No person has ever left this earth with a perfect score. We all make mistakes, mishandle situations, and let our emotions cloud our judgement from time to time. Let’s be more kind to each other when we stumble. 

One of my favorite quotes is from Maya Angelou. She said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

You can never go wrong by being kind. Doing so diffuses tension and helps others avoid feeling defensive. Even in the most difficult conversations, when you show the other person that you care, you make your communications more tailored to their needs—and more effective.

When we remember to be kind we act in a way that invites others to do the same. And that’s infectious.

Photo by Andrew Thornebrooke on Unsplash

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Turtle Hiding in Shell

Imposter Syndrome Visited Me Today

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I’m a pretty confident guy. In fact, self-confidence is one of the top strengths in my toolbox, according to my favorite assessment, The Strength Deployment Inventory. That strength serves me well in some cases, and gets me in trouble in others. It can make me look arrogant at times (which is not a good look on me).

Self-confidence is not on the menu here today, though. Imposter syndrome has shown up as I get ready to launch registration for a new leadership communication workshop this spring.

I’m confident the program is good — maybe even great. I’ve thought about this workshop for over a year, and have planned it well. I’m also sure that it will be a terrific, two-day event. Actually, experience is a better word.

So why do I feel like a fraud today, and that nobody is going to register? What’s going on here? Is it a fear of success or failure? Is it the fact that I don’t like promoting myself that’s making me want to close my laptop and go back to bed?

According to Psychology Today, “People who struggle with imposter syndrome believe that they are undeserving of their achievements and the high esteem in which they are, in fact, generally held. They feel that they aren’t as competent or intelligent as others might think—and that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them. Those with imposter syndrome are often well accomplished; they may hold high office or have numerous academic degrees.”

Okay, it’s pep talk time. I’ve got 3 degrees, a proven track record, people who believe in me and my work, and a roster of clients who all count on me to help them be better communicators and leaders. I’ve also founded 3 different companies, and have made several career transitions and reinventions that most people would think were impossible (and many did at the time). I’ve heard more people tell me, “you can’t” and then I’ve shown them that, in fact, I can. 

That feels better…. 

Don’t worry about me. This is temporary. I’ve dealt with it before. Today I’m sharing this feeling with you, because I want you to know that you can overcome imposter syndrome. I’m going to work on it right now.

  1. I’ll start by not comparing myself to others who I admire and who I think do what I do quite well. Nobody else delivers programs like my co-facilitators and I do — we’re one of a kind.
  2. Then I’ll remind myself that perfection doesn’t exist. My programs don’t have to be perfect. They just need to be expert level and make people get tons of value for their time spent (and feel inspired to tell others about the great experience they had).
  3. Finally, I’ll recall that while promoting myself and this new offering is uncomfortable for me, it’s necessary. If I constantly create and never promote, nobody will benefit.

Imposter syndrome be gone! For the rest of today, anyway….

Photo by Josh Eckstein on Unsplash

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Career Journeys, Changes and Transitions

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Making a career transition, or any significant type of career change, is hard work. It’s also fraught with risk and uncertainty — yet the payoff can be literally life-changing. 

I know. I’ve done it 4 times. And that’s why I enjoy helping others along their career journeys. Whether it’s figuring out if it’s best to stay or go, plotting the plan to make a transition from a steady path with a large company to a more volatile (and more exciting) start-up or early-stage venture, or designing a complete change that means starting from scratch, I’ve helped people through it all.

Here are a few things I’ve learned that may help you if you’re feeling stuck, or if you’re thinking about what it would be like to make a big (or small) career transition.

Connect Your Purpose with Your Career Path

I know, a sense of purpose can be elusive. But I argue that it’s critically important. If you do the work to find and clarify it, you’ll be more confident heading down the right path. Purpose is often easier to see once you’ve looked at your passions and the value you bring to others. And remember, your purpose can evolve. Mine sure has, but the common thread for me has always been two things: teaching and communication.

Connecting your purpose to your work will help you discover what you really want, and then you can target the position or path that leverages your strengths and passions.

Think Transition, Not Change

Chances are you’re not throwing all your skills and experiences out the window and starting with absolutely nothing you can carry with you. That’s why I’ve never liked the term “career change.” In my experience, I’ve made several career “transitions” — each one building off my knowledge, skills, and experiences to date (but now more aligned with my purpose and current goals). Inventory your skills and experiences and consider how you’ll apply them to the future career you want.

Get Good at Networking

You can apply to positions all you want — but that means molding yourself to fit a position that’s been predefined. There’s nothing wrong with that if you’re simply looking for your next “job.” But most of the people I help are looking for more than that. They want a new chapter where they can feel more fulfilled — and feel like they’re making a difference. Those opportunities are often created through networking with people who need what you have to offer — even if no job description exists.

To get good at networking, you must define the right avenues for making the connections you need. This means leveraging people you know — and meeting new people — who can help you connect with the right humans who can get you there.

Get Outside Help to Keep You Accountable

Hoping that the next chapter of your career will magically reveal itself is a sure way to ensure it never comes. You have the power to make it happen if you really want it. However, it’s not easy to do and you need to create short- and long-term action plans to keep yourself accountable. 

Figuring out how to make real change happen, or even if making a transition is right for you at the current time, is rarely done well alone. Seek help from a coach, trusted advisors, and other people who have done the work and you’ll be much more likely to stay the course and make it happen.

I’m Here for You

I help leaders transition to more fulfilling next chapters in their careers. 

Want to learn more about how I can help? Let’s talk.

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Check In On Your People

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My heart breaks for the people of Ukraine who are living through the unnecessary and cruel effects of war. The invasion, the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, political division in our country, and negativity and misinformation fueled by social media have got me feeling frazzled, frustrated, worried, and exhausted. And I know I’m not alone.

These are uncertain and uncomfortable times. As leaders, we must make sure our people know that we understand, and that we care. How do we do that? We must communicate.

  • Check in. Your people need more than check-ins on deadlines or metrics, especially during times of uncertainty. Ask them how they’re doing. Knowing you care about their well-being tells them that they matter. Here are some prompts you can use to start the conversation.

    “Before we talk about [insert topic here], I want to ask how you’re doing personally. “
    “There’s a lot going on in the world right now. How are you feeling?“
    “We don’t usually talk much about our personal lives, but I know that I’ve been feeling a bit stressed lately with everything going on at work, at home, and in the world. How about you?“

  • Acknowledge, don’t ignore. When world events happen, they impact your people in different ways. It’s important to acknowledge what’s going on, listen, and provide support. Check out this article that shows how some leaders have let their people know they care, and are not alone.

  • Check in with yourself. Leaders are no good for their people if they’re exhausted, overstressed, or burned out. One of the best things you can do for your team is to make sure you’re taking care of you — your body and your mind. You can’t be effective if you’re always running on empty. 

In times of uncertainty, it’s important to take a little extra time to make sure we’re all okay.

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Two people in a coaching session having coffee

Top Talent Needs Leadership, Too

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Everyone deserves to feel that their work matters and to get feedback, both positive and constructive, so they can grow. But you know what? Some people don’t want to grow or are simply too checked out to care.

Therefore, leaders who are also good coaches can get caught in a trap. They can spend 80 to 90 percent of their available coaching time investing in people who don’t want to be coached. Now, I’m not saying you should give up on people too easily, but if you’re doing the hard work of coaching people who are not responsive to it or who are consistently not improving, I challenge you to flip the equation. 

Instead, dedicate the bulk of your coaching time to your top performers.

It’s easy to think they don’t need your feedback or coaching. That’s wrong. Just because your top performers are good at getting things done (and making you look good as a result) doesn’t mean they don’t need encouragement, praise, or constructive criticism. 

Remember, silence sends a very strong message. Don’t let it convey to your top talent that you don’t care about their achievements, growth, development, or well-being. 

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

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