Leadership

Leadership Superpowers (and Kryptonite)

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Before I ran my own businesses, I would get a piece of feedback during some annual reviews that would annoy me — incredibly.

It came in different permeations, but always sounded something like this:

  • “Michael, you sacrifice too much of yourself for people who don’t always deserve your support.” 
  • “Sometimes the team doesn’t need so much support from you. You need to learn when to let them sink or swim on their own.”

Okay, so listen. I’m a supportive person. I get it. It’s one of my top strengths, and frankly it’s a superpower for me in my work. 

What’s the flip side of being supportive? Sometimes I can be seen as self-sacrificing.

The key words here are “seen as.” In other words, “perceived as….” 

Ahh, we’re entering the realm of perceptions. And what comes with that? 

The need to manage them.

In the past, I would disagree with the “you’re being too supportive” perception, but not address it with the person who saw me that way. So, that false perception would sit out there like a ding on my reputation. 

Today, with the wisdom that comes with age and experience, I don’t let that happen (mostly).

Now, are there times where I am too supportive to the point of self-sacrificing? I won’t lie, it happens. But it doesn’t happen as much as others may think. 

For example, the leader who is struggling with speaking clearly and with enough impact when rehearsing for a high stakes presentation — one who other people think will never be prepared enough to perform. They think we should give up and replace that person with someone else. What they don’t know is that I know exactly where that leader is in the process, and I know with a few more tactics and a little more time (and support), we’ll get there. And when we do, the person is going to knock it out of the park. 

I know it, but some people can’t see it — yet. 

A final note on this topic. There are times when, for whatever reason, I do need to stop supporting. Maybe there’s not enough time to prepare someone properly for a role or event. Perhaps the person doesn’t want the support. And yes, sometimes continuing to support someone who doesn’t want it or who is not improving will end up sacrificing the success of an entire program. Then, the support needs to stop. 

My point, though, is this.

Don’t let other people make you feel like your leadership superpowers aren’t valid or powerful. 

Consider the fact that those strengths might simply not be working for other people in the room at that specific moment. It’s their issue, not yours. But… and it’s a big but…

You still need to manage those perceptions. 

Speak up about how you see it — give them the “why” behind your actions. Or pull back on your intensity with the superpower. Sometimes a small adjustment in how you use it can make all the difference.

The Power of Your Name

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See my facial expression in this photo? It’s expressing how I feel when someone calls me “Mike” right after I’ve introduced myself as “Michael.”

If you call me Mike and you aren’t family or a super-close friend, I know you don’t know me well.

What else does it mean?

That’s right, the person didn’t listen.

Listen. That’s leadership lesson 1 from this brief rant. Lesson 2 is this…

People appreciate hearing their own names. In fact, the use of personal names in communication has been shown to enhance attention and recall, and makes people feel recognized and important.

In short, people light up when they hear the music of their own name.

So, use people’s names when you communicate. And when you meet someone new, listen carefully when they introduce themselves to you, and say their name back to them. (Nice to meet you, Anthony.)

It’s not just a word; it’s a powerful connection. Plus, you’re more likely to remember it if you say it out loud.

The Depth of Insecurity

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I have no depth perception…

That’s right. I don’t see the world in 3D like most do.

So, when I reach out to shake your hand, or give you a fist bump, I’ll likely be slightly off in my grip or knuckle to knuckle connection. I’m relying on a 2-dimensional image, so I’ll need the actual sensation of touch before I know for sure that I’m meeting your hand.

When you throw me something, I’ll never catch it. Never. I can’t tell exactly where it is in the air. 

And when I make eye contact, you might think I’m not looking at you. Only one eye will be able to do that. The other will be looking either left or right unless I focus all my energy trying to keep them somewhat straight (which is exhausting). 

3 eye surgeries and countless hours doing exercises as a young kid to try to make my lazy eye straighten up didn’t work.

Why am I sharing this with you?

Because I used to let this “defect” (in quotes because in the past, that’s the way I felt about it) make me feel insecure. 

Not just a little. Deeply.

  • I hated looking at pictures of myself.
  • I loathed seeing myself on video.
  • I would feel incredibly embarrassed when I would misjudge the distance to someone’s hand for a handshake and grab them slightly awkwardly.
  • The act of looking someone, or an entire audience, in the eye made me uncomfortable.

As a leader (and we’re all leaders when we are working to inspire others and help people be their best), you might have something you feel insecure about. 

It might be something people can see. It might be something that’s only on the inside. 

Maybe it’s a gap in knowledge. Or a fear…

It doesn’t matter what it is. 

Don’t let it cloud all the good and amazing things you bring to the table. 

I no longer care that I can’t catch. If someone thinks I look goofy in a photo or video, that’s their issue. It’s no longer mine.

Just don’t ever throw me anything breakable. That won’t end well. 😉

What can you let go of today that’s been making you feel insecure or that’s holding you back?

Blind Spots and Strengths Gone Awry

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Oops, I did it again. I came off as arrogant. Now, I’ve been called arrogant 4 times during my professional journey.

Each time it hurt my heart. Because I don’t mean to be perceived that way. Ever. Full stop.

Arrogance is the flip side of my self-confidence strength. And when I show up as overly self-confident in the eyes of others, they can see me as arrogant. This used to be (and sometimes still is) a blind spot for me.

The missing piece is that in most cases I am using my self-confidence strength with positive intent — I want to help. I want to cheerlead. I want to make sure someone else sees their own greatness.

But that doesn’t always work. And now that I am more self-aware of the strengths I can overdo (perseverance is another one — boy can I look stubborn sometimes), I can see and feel it happening. And most of the time I can dial it back and save myself.

But not always. Ahh, still a work in progress.

What strengths do you tend to overdo? And are they limiting your effectiveness when you don’t realize how they’re affecting others?

Think about it. And if you need help uncovering your overdone strengths, reach out. I’ve got a terrific assessment that shines the light on them for you — so you can better manage perceptions in the future.

You Hold the Pen

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Leadership is a journey. It’s not something that happens overnight — and there’s no “right way” to create a leadership style that is effective and that feels authentic.

Every personal leadership journey is a vibrant thread, weaving its unique story. Regardless of where you find yourself in your journey, remember this fundamental truth: you hold the pen to your story.

Every challenge you faced, every triumph you celebrated — they are all part of your unique narrative. Acknowledge your journey, with all its ups and downs. Your experiences have shaped your perspectives, giving you the wisdom to lead with empathy and understanding.

Your personal journey is unique, and that authenticity is your greatest asset. Authentic leaders inspire trust and loyalty. When you embrace your personal story, including its vulnerabilities and successes, you connect with others on a deeper level. Your authenticity becomes a beacon, guiding others to embrace their journeys too. Remember, true leadership is not about being flawless; it’s about being genuine.

And finally, remember that your journey is a constant narrative that continues to unfold. Embrace it. And don’t forget that you hold the pen.

Wield it with intention. Write the next chapter of your story with courage, and share it with others. It will empower them to embrace their journeys fearlessly.

That’s a true gift.

Trust Your Gut

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Your gut isn’t some mystical place that provides insights that appear out of thin air. The feelings you get when your gut is talking to you are the product of your intuition. And intuition is a skill honed through experience and self-awareness.

Think about it. Heaps of data and copious analyses don’t always give us the answer. The best course of action isn’t always black and white — it often lies in that uncomfortable gray area that leaders and teams sometimes try to avoid. That discomfort often makes people suppress their gut instincts too much.

That’s a shame, because the top leaders I know often state their intuitive prowess as a key to success. After years of facing diverse challenges and learning from both successes and failures, they’ve let each experience become a building block — enhancing their ability to read situations, anticipate outcomes, and trust their judgment.

Is your gut always right? No. Can it help in decision making? You bet. The key is learning how to use its power wisely.

Want to dive deeper into instincts and intuition? Check out this article on Psychology Today for some more details on what’s really going on in that gut of yours.

My gut is telling me it’s time to stop letting my introverted side create content and force myself to get out there are talk to people that I can help! I think I need to listen.

Chasing Success

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How do you define success?

  • Attaining wealth, status, or fame? 
  • Meeting that high bar you’ve set for yourself, or that someone else has set for you?
  • Reaching a specific goal or milestone?

No matter how you define it, consider this:

If you’re pursuing success instead of what makes you feel successful, you’re on your way to burnout. 

Take a moment today to think about what makes you feel successful. 

Chase that. 

Blind Spots and Strengths Gone Awry

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Oops, I did it again. I came off as arrogant. Now, I’ve been called arrogant 4 times during my professional journey.

Each time it hurt my heart. Because I don’t mean to be perceived that way. Ever. Full stop.

Arrogance is the flip side of my self-confidence strength. And when I show up as overly self-confident in the eyes of others, they can see me as arrogant. This used to be (and sometimes still is) a blind spot for me.

The missing piece is that in most cases I am using my self-confidence strength with positive intent — I want to help. I want to cheerlead. I want to make sure someone else sees their own greatness.

But that doesn’t always work. And now that I am more self-aware of the strengths I can overdo (perseverance is another one — boy can I look stubborn sometimes), I can see and feel it happening. And most of the time I can dial it back and save myself.

But not always. Ahh, still a work in progress.

What strengths do you tend to overdo? And are they limiting your effectiveness when you don’t realize how they’re affecting others?

Think about it. And if you need help uncovering your overdone strengths, reach out. I’ve got a terrific assessment that shines the light on them for you — so you can better manage perceptions in the future.

Check In On Yourself

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Leaders are no good for their people if they’re exhausted, overstressed, or burned out.

One of the best things you can do for your team is to make sure you’re taking care of you — your body and your mind. You can’t be effective if you’re always running on empty.

  • Be mindful of your physical and emotional health. Pay attention to how you’re feeling, and take steps to address any areas of concern. This could include getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and managing stress.
  • Set boundaries. It’s important to set boundaries between your work life and your personal life. This means saying no to requests that are unreasonable or that will take away from your personal time. It also means protecting your time for activities that you enjoy and that help you relax and de-stress.
  • Delegate tasks. Don’t try to do everything yourself. Delegate tasks to others whenever possible so that you can free up some of your time for self-care.
  • Take breaks. It’s important to take breaks throughout the day, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Get up and move around, step outside for some fresh air, or close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
  • Do things you enjoy. Make time for activities that make you happy. This could be anything from reading a book to spending time with loved ones to taking a walk in nature. For me, a drive in my roadster with the top down (and lately with music by Kygo blasting into the open air) does the trick. Beep beep!
  • Seek support. If you’re struggling to take care of yourself, don’t be afraid to seek support from others. Talk to a friend, family member, therapist, or other trusted person. 

Oh, and remember that asking for help from a trusted advisor, friend, or professional is a sign of strength, not weakness. Never let anyone make you feel otherwise.

Does Public Speaking Make You Anxious?

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If so, you’re not alone. In fact, a fear of public speaking affects anywhere from 40 to 75 percent of the population, depending on what studies you look at. There’s even a medical term for it: glossophobia.

Here are some tips that will help:

  • Don’t try to be perfect. The fear of public speaking often stems from a fear of imperfection. The fact is that no one ever gets it 100 percent right every time, and neither will you. And that’s okay.
  • Know your stuff. The more prepared you are when it comes to the topic of your presentation, the more confident you will feel. Don’t forget to also consider (and practice answering) the questions you’ll likely get from your audience.
  • Use your audience to your advantage. When you can get your audience involved in your presentation, it’s much easier for you to deliver and much more engaging for them. Win-win.
  • Practice until you’re sick of practicing. And do it out loud! Recruit colleagues to give you feedback on your presentation. You can also record yourself giving the presentation and watch it back. I do this with every speech or workshop I create.

And finally, remember that being nervous is actually a good thing. How so?

Well, it means you care — about your audience and about your topic.

That’s good stuff.

Want some more tips? Send me a note through Comvia Group’s contact page and ask me for my favorite breathing exercises for settling nerves and preparing to speak. I’ll send them to you.

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