Kindness

How Avoiding Conflict Slowly Tears Teams Apart 

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Teams rarely fall apart overnight. They fall apart quietly, through small moments of avoidance. 

A comment that goes unaddressed. A conflict that gets brushed aside. A performance issue that “isn’t worth the fight right now.” A high performer who gets tired of carrying the load. 

Over time, these moments accumulate. And the team starts to fracture. 

The Hidden Consequences of Avoidance 

When leaders avoid conflict or difficult conversations: 

  • High performers lose trust 
  • Low performers lose direction 
  • Resentment grows 
  • Communication breaks down 
  • Turnover increases 
  • Culture erodes 

People don’t leave companies. They leave environments where problems go unaddressed. 

The Myth of “Keeping the Peace” 

Many leaders believe that avoiding conflict protects morale. In reality, it does the opposite. 

Silence sends a message — and not the one leaders intend. 

It tells the team: 

  • “This behavior is acceptable.” 
  • “Your concerns aren’t important.” 
  • “Accountability is optional.” 

Healthy Teams Aren’t Conflict-Free — They’re Conflict-Capable 

The strongest teams aren’t the ones with the least conflict. They’re the ones where leaders know how to address issues early, clearly, and respectfully. 

Coaching skills give leaders the confidence and structure to do exactly that. 

When leaders learn how to have these conversations well, teams become: 

  • More aligned 
  • More accountable 
  • More resilient 
  • More engaged 

And turnover drops — because people stay where they feel supported, challenged, and heard. 

If you’re seeing signs of quiet friction or disengagement on your team, it may be time to strengthen the way conflict and performance conversations are handled. With the right coaching tools, leaders can address issues early and keep teams connected and thriving. 

This article originally appeared at WeAreComvia.com and is reprinted here with permission.

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Michael Piperno is a communication coach and executive presence expert. His insights empower leaders to communicate effectively and authentically.

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Respecting Time and Effort: Why Thoughtful Communication Matters More Than Ever 

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Picture it: You spend hours crafting a proposal. Thinking through the right approach, writing, making sure every detail is perfect. You hit “send” and wait. Days go by. Weeks. Nothing.  

Or maybe you clear your calendar for an important meeting, only to have it canceled five minutes before it starts—with no explanation or apology. 

Sound familiar? Sadly, we’re seeing this more and more. Last-minute cancellations, ghosting, and one-line rejection emails have become common. And here’s the thing: these behaviors don’t just feel rude—they send a message: “Your time and effort don’t matter to me.” 

Here’s the Problem 

Time and effort are two things we can never get back. When someone invests them, whether by preparing for a meeting, creating a proposal, or contributing ideas, they’re giving you something valuable. Ignoring that investment erodes trust and damages relationships. 

And it’s not just about feelings. Poor communication trends like ghosting or dismissive responses have real consequences. They create frustration, disengagement, and even resentment. Over time, these behaviors weaken collaboration and tarnish reputations. 

The Ripple Effect 

  • On Individuals: When people feel their work isn’t valued, motivation drops. They’re less likely to go the extra mile next time. 
  • On Organizations: Disrespectful communication can cost opportunities. A talented vendor or partner who feels undervalued may walk away. Clients and colleagues notice when courtesy is missing—it reflects on your brand. 

What Good Looks Like 

Small, intentional actions can show you value someone’s contribution. For example: 

  • Thoughtful Declines: Take declining a proposal, for example. A one-line “We’ve decided to go in a different direction” feels abrupt and dismissive. Instead, try something like this: 
     
    “Thank you for the time and effort you put into this proposal. We can see the thought and detail that went into your work, and we truly appreciate it. After careful consideration, we’ve decided to move forward in a different direction because [insert reason—budget, priorities, timing]. We hope to stay connected and explore opportunities to collaborate in the future.” 
     
    You see — a few extra sentences can turn a rejection into a relationship-building moment. 
     
  • Timely Responses: Even if you don’t have an answer yet, acknowledge the effort: 
    “I’ve received your report and need some time to review. I’ll follow up by Friday.” 
     
  • Respectful Scheduling: Emergencies happen, but last-minute cancellations should be rare. If you must cancel, apologize, explain why, and reschedule promptly. 

Some Additional Tips for Thoughtful Communication 

  1. Respond—even when the answer is “no.” Silence isn’t neutral; it’s damaging. 
  1. Say thank you. A simple “thank you for your time and effort” goes a long way. 
  1. Communicate early and clearly about changes. Don’t leave people guessing. 
  1. Treat every interaction as an opportunity to build trust. Courtesy compounds over time. 

Take the time to show people their time and work matter. In a world that moves fast, courtesy is an advantage.  

When you value peoples’ efforts, you strengthen relationships. 

This article originally appeared at WeAreComvia.com and is reprinted here with permission.

—

Michael Piperno is a communication coach and executive presence expert. His insights empower leaders to communicate effectively and authentically.

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The Depth of Insecurity

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I have no depth perception…

That’s right. I don’t see the world in 3D like most do.

So, when I reach out to shake your hand, or give you a fist bump, I’ll likely be slightly off in my grip or knuckle to knuckle connection. I’m relying on a 2-dimensional image, so I’ll need the actual sensation of touch before I know for sure that I’m meeting your hand.

When you throw me something, I’ll never catch it. Never. I can’t tell exactly where it is in the air. 

And when I make eye contact, you might think I’m not looking at you. Only one eye will be able to do that. The other will be looking either left or right unless I focus all my energy trying to keep them somewhat straight (which is exhausting). 

3 eye surgeries and countless hours doing exercises as a young kid to try to make my lazy eye straighten up didn’t work.

Why am I sharing this with you?

Because I used to let this “defect” (in quotes because in the past, that’s the way I felt about it) make me feel insecure. 

Not just a little. Deeply.

  • I hated looking at pictures of myself.
  • I loathed seeing myself on video.
  • I would feel incredibly embarrassed when I would misjudge the distance to someone’s hand for a handshake and grab them slightly awkwardly.
  • The act of looking someone, or an entire audience, in the eye made me uncomfortable.

As a leader (and we’re all leaders when we are working to inspire others and help people be their best), you might have something you feel insecure about. 

It might be something people can see. It might be something that’s only on the inside. 

Maybe it’s a gap in knowledge. Or a fear…

It doesn’t matter what it is. 

Don’t let it cloud all the good and amazing things you bring to the table. 

I no longer care that I can’t catch. If someone thinks I look goofy in a photo or video, that’s their issue. It’s no longer mine.

Just don’t ever throw me anything breakable. That won’t end well. 😉

What can you let go of today that’s been making you feel insecure or that’s holding you back?

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Check In On Yourself

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Leaders are no good for their people if they’re exhausted, overstressed, or burned out.

One of the best things you can do for your team is to make sure you’re taking care of you — your body and your mind. You can’t be effective if you’re always running on empty.

  • Be mindful of your physical and emotional health. Pay attention to how you’re feeling, and take steps to address any areas of concern. This could include getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and managing stress.
  • Set boundaries. It’s important to set boundaries between your work life and your personal life. This means saying no to requests that are unreasonable or that will take away from your personal time. It also means protecting your time for activities that you enjoy and that help you relax and de-stress.
  • Delegate tasks. Don’t try to do everything yourself. Delegate tasks to others whenever possible so that you can free up some of your time for self-care.
  • Take breaks. It’s important to take breaks throughout the day, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Get up and move around, step outside for some fresh air, or close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
  • Do things you enjoy. Make time for activities that make you happy. This could be anything from reading a book to spending time with loved ones to taking a walk in nature. For me, a drive in my roadster with the top down (and lately with music by Kygo blasting into the open air) does the trick. Beep beep!
  • Seek support. If you’re struggling to take care of yourself, don’t be afraid to seek support from others. Talk to a friend, family member, therapist, or other trusted person. 

Oh, and remember that asking for help from a trusted advisor, friend, or professional is a sign of strength, not weakness. Never let anyone make you feel otherwise.

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The Value of Attention

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In today’s fast-paced world, it can be difficult to give our full attention to anything. We are constantly bombarded with stimuli, from our phones to our email to our social media feeds. It’s often challenging to focus on the task at hand, let alone on the people around us.

However, as leaders, it is essential that we are intentional about paying attention. When we give our full attention to others, we show them that we value them and their contributions. We also create a space where they feel safe to share their ideas and concerns.

A few more benefits of giving others our full attention…

  • Builds trust and rapport. When people feel like they are being heard and understood, they are more likely to trust and respect us.
  • Boosts morale. When people feel like their work is important and that they are making a difference, they are more likely to be motivated and engaged. 
  • Improves our own decision-making. When we take the time to listen to others’ perspectives, we are more likely to make decisions that are in the best interests of the entire team and organization.

Here are a few tips for paying better attention:

  1. Be present. When you are interacting with someone, give them your full attention. Put away your phone, turn off your computer, and make eye contact.
  2. Listen actively. Really listen to what the other person is saying, and ask clarifying questions.
  3. Show empathy. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Understand their perspective and why they might be feeling the way they are.

Paying attention is a skill that takes time and practice. The benefits are well worth the effort. 

Try to pay more attention to how well you pay attention today. If you’re finding that you’re distracted instead of fully committed to a conversation, identify one thing you can do to avoid that in the future.

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Compassion Is Key

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There are many skills and traits that make a good leader, and I believe that compassion is one that many leaders don’t talk about or leverage enough. 

The ability and willingness to work to understand and empathize with the struggles of others, and to respond with kindness and support, is what we’re talking about here. And research has shown that compassionate leadership can have a range of benefits for teams and organizations. For example, when leaders show compassion towards their team members, they’re more likely to feel valued and supported — feelings that almost surely will increase productivity and engagement (and lower turnover rates).

Compassionate leaders are also willing to be vulnerable with their team members. This means sharing their own struggles and weaknesses, and being open about their own challenges. By doing so, leaders build stronger relationships with their team members, and create a culture of trust and understanding.

If you’re looking to develop a more compassionate approach to leadership, here are some tips:

  • Listen (actively): Take the time to really listen to your team members, and show that you understand their concerns and challenges.
  • Empathize: Try to put yourself in your team members’ shoes, and imagine what it’s like to be in their position.
  • Appreciate: Take the time to recognize and appreciate your team members’ hard work and contributions.
  • Support: When team members are struggling, offer support and guidance to help them overcome their challenges.
  • Be kind to yourself: Remember to practice self-compassion as well, and be kind to yourself as you navigate the challenges of leadership.

Compassion can help build stronger relationships, increase engagement and productivity, and create a more positive workplace culture. 

That’s a win-win for everyone. 

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kindness is a superpower written on brick wall

Don’t Confuse My Kindness with Weakness

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We all have extreme power in our ability to choose how we listen, how we react, and how we treat others. Kindness, I believe, is one of our most powerful tools. It is free, and is an incredible investment in ourselves and in others.

A business associate of mine recently called me a “softie” when he perceived my approach to a challenge in a way that did not resonate with him. I corrected him. “No, I’m not a softie. I’m a kind person, and there is a big difference. Please don’t confuse my kindness with weakness.” 

Being kind does not mean you’re afraid to make hard choices or that you must avoid opposition or conflict. Rooting yourself in kindness simply means that you treat people with the respect that they deserve, and that helps ensure the outcome of even the most difficult situation is as good as it can be. 

No person has ever left this earth with a perfect score. We all make mistakes, mishandle situations, and let our emotions cloud our judgement from time to time. Let’s be more kind to each other when we stumble. 

One of my favorite quotes is from Maya Angelou. She said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

You can never go wrong by being kind. Doing so diffuses tension and helps others avoid feeling defensive. Even in the most difficult conversations, when you show the other person that you care, you make your communications more tailored to their needs—and more effective.

When we remember to be kind we act in a way that invites others to do the same. And that’s infectious.

Photo by Andrew Thornebrooke on Unsplash

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Don't Say "Like I Said…" Ever!

Like I Said…

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The two phrases that make me cringe most when I observe a presenter or meeting participant fielding questions are: “Like I said…” and “As I mentioned previously…”. 

Here’s why.

If someone asks you a question that you’ve previously answered, it means one of three things:

  1. They missed the answer the first time because they were not listening.
  2. You were unclear when you reviewed the answer previously.
  3. You made them work too hard to understand and remember it.

The fact is that they missed it, and it was probably your fault. Perhaps you buried it among other complex data they were trying to decipher. Maybe it was a key point you should have covered with emphasis, and you didn’t. 

Or maybe it wasn’t your fault and they were distracted by a text message at that precise time you covered that specific point.

The bottom line is that it happened; and how you handle it makes all the difference. When you use a phrase such as, “Like I said…” you are pointing a big finger right at the questioner that says, “I covered this before, dummy. Weren’t you listening?” That’s just like being called out by your 6th grade teacher in front of the class. Nobody likes how that feels. 

Instead, kindly answer the question. Maybe even give an example or elaborate on it a bit. You might find that the question came up because the questioner simply could not think of a better way to ask you to elaborate more on the specific point.

Banish these phrases from your repertoire. Don’t even use them in email communications. Saying, “Like I said…” or “As I mentioned previously…” may make you feel better by pointing out that you covered the information already. But it’s not about you. The fact is that these phrases do nothing but hurt your effectiveness as a presenter and influencer.

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Leading Means Inspiring and Developing People

Be Sure You Say It

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How many times have you thought about thanking someone for helping you on a project, or complimenting one of your team members on how well they handled something? Each time, did you do it? 

If you’re like most busy professionals, you didn’t. It slipped your mind. Or maybe when you had the opportunity to do so it felt like the right moment had passed. 

And when you have high-performing team members who are at the top of their games, it’s even easier to assume they don’t need extrinsic feedback. But they do. 

Everyone does. 

Almost every pivotal moment in my career has been influenced by someone else who believed in me, and who helped me see my strengths more clearly. Of course, I do a lot of work within my own head to work things out as I move along my own personal journey while blazing my unique path forward. But the kindness I’ve received from others through encouraging words, as well as constructive criticism, has shaped me in many ways. I am grateful to those who took the time to pause and tell me. 

Who can you build up today by telling them something they need to hear? Be sure to take a moment and say it.

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Inspirational Quote Everyday Heroes

Everyday Heroes

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Every week I share one of my favorite quotes with my team as a look-back on the week and a little inspirational push into the weekend. This week I shared the following short one:

“The simple act of caring is heroic.” —Edward Albert

Business as usual does not exist now — for anyone, and a little extra empathy and caring goes a long way. Keep it up everyone!

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